Our movies and literature characterize love as being one of life’s greatest achievements.
But although millions have tried, true love is notoriously hard to define.
“I think that love can not have a real good definition because it means so many different things to so many different people,” psychologist and author Dr. Andrew Yellen said.
“I think it’s just a feeling between two people that is indescribable,” said Yellen. “When you’re in love, you know it.”
Experts say it’s important to have realistic expectations about a healthy and happy relationship, and marriage.
“Emotions change, they intensify, they weaken, and they come and go,” Bishop Cecil Richardson said, of the Lighthouse Light of the World Christian Ministries. “I think in order to truly come into a love relationship, we have other things and other components in play.”
Richardson says learning to love oneself, and knowing what one wants in a long-term partner, will help find someone compatible.
“A lot of [the] time, singles confuse sex with love,” radio personality and author Erin Tillman said. Tillman writes a blog as ‘The Dating Advice Girl’.
“There’s intense feelings that happen [when people have] any sort of intimacy,” she said. “I do encourage people to try not to get too intimate too early on because those feeling can be interpreted as love.”
Understanding the difference between lust and love can influence the decisions individuals make, Tillman said. There’s a big difference between infatuation and falling in love, and it’s important to recognize that.
“Often times your emotions over-rule your reasoning and you make poor choices,” Richardson said. “[When] you’re following emotion, you’re not following your reasoning.”
“Sometimes we’re so on a path [with] the end goal of marriage, or a ring, [that] we over look the person,” Tillman said.
According to a 2015 Pew Research study, nearly nine-in-ten Americans are online and almost half know someone who uses online dating, or who has met a spouse or partner via online dating.
“There’s not one right way, or wrong way to meet somebody,” Tillman said. “Online dating and dating apps are not going away, so it’s a very realistic thing that should not be ignored because people of all ages are using them.”
Social networking sites are now playing a integral role when it comes to relationships in a digital era. Attitudes towards online dating have become more positive and widely accepted. More and more people are choosing to be matched up based on what makes them compatible with other people.
“Our app, called the ‘Love Shopping List,’ does exactly that,” Yellen said. “One of the things I emphasize with couples and singles is that [you] need to understand what you’re looking for.”
But experts agree that although meeting someone compatible can be difficult, it’s the challenges faced after a relationship begins that tests its strength the most.
“When you have individuals as a couple who can grow together, you have a energy that continues to grow, and both [will] benefit from it,” Yellen said.
“Love is work, and if you’re not willing to work, you’re not going to have love,” Richardson said. “People [say] they want love, but they’re not willing to put in the work.”
“Whether it’s transgender, or LGBT, or whatever it [might be], it’s a relationship,” Yellen said. “And the thing we do most as human beings is have relationships.”
Moderator: Sarina Sandoval
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Reporters: Jon Gripe, Ashley Horton, Andrew Pitters and Sarina Sandoval
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